The first abusive relationship I was in started out as emotional abuse that escalated to physical abuse. When it was only emotional abuse, I would downplay it by telling myself, “At least he’s not beating me. It’s not that bad.”
When he started beating me, I knew immediately that I had been wrong. The beatings were significantly less damaging than the psychological attacks. The beatings were no joke; he hit me like he’d hit a man, choke me until I lost consciousness, dribble my head on concrete like a basketball, almost kill me.
Verbal attacks, intimidation tactics, threats of abandonment, and other crazy-making tactics are infinitely worse. This kind of abuse isn’t episodic. It’s endless, with extreme episodes.
I might have been beaten less or with less intensity if I hadn’t figured out that I could end the soul-crushing mental abuse by smirking, sighing, or rolling my eyes. Beatings have a beginning and an end. Wounds heal. Scars fade.
Being made to feel wrong, bad, stupid, ugly, unlovable, crazy, or otherwise less than doesn’t go away. More than 25 years later, I still doubt myself; I still have to remind myself that I’m not what he constantly told me I am.
The physical stuff doesn’t cross my mind. If it does, it’s just an unemotional string of facts. I'm just speaking for myself from my personal experience. Your experience may differ.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm sorry you went through that. It is unfortunately so true that emotional abuse often does eventually escalate into physical violence and I wish more people were aware of this. Unfortunately too many abuse apologists who minimize emotional abuse will try to bury this fact. I have a similar experience with the lasting impact of emotional abuse - even though I'm doing a lot better than I was before, I can still clearly remember the abusive things he said to me and also have to remind myself how untrue they were and how I deserved to be treated better than that.
The first abusive relationship I was in started out as emotional abuse that escalated to physical abuse. When it was only emotional abuse, I would downplay it by telling myself, “At least he’s not beating me. It’s not that bad.”
When he started beating me, I knew immediately that I had been wrong. The beatings were significantly less damaging than the psychological attacks. The beatings were no joke; he hit me like he’d hit a man, choke me until I lost consciousness, dribble my head on concrete like a basketball, almost kill me.
Verbal attacks, intimidation tactics, threats of abandonment, and other crazy-making tactics are infinitely worse. This kind of abuse isn’t episodic. It’s endless, with extreme episodes.
I might have been beaten less or with less intensity if I hadn’t figured out that I could end the soul-crushing mental abuse by smirking, sighing, or rolling my eyes. Beatings have a beginning and an end. Wounds heal. Scars fade.
Being made to feel wrong, bad, stupid, ugly, unlovable, crazy, or otherwise less than doesn’t go away. More than 25 years later, I still doubt myself; I still have to remind myself that I’m not what he constantly told me I am.
The physical stuff doesn’t cross my mind. If it does, it’s just an unemotional string of facts. I'm just speaking for myself from my personal experience. Your experience may differ.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm sorry you went through that. It is unfortunately so true that emotional abuse often does eventually escalate into physical violence and I wish more people were aware of this. Unfortunately too many abuse apologists who minimize emotional abuse will try to bury this fact. I have a similar experience with the lasting impact of emotional abuse - even though I'm doing a lot better than I was before, I can still clearly remember the abusive things he said to me and also have to remind myself how untrue they were and how I deserved to be treated better than that.
You certainly do!
BTW, this is a great publication! I appreciate what you are putting out there.
Keep up the good work!!